Die Zeit in der wir uns nicht sehen kommt mir jedes mal länger vor, als zuvor. Sehnsucht wird stärker und Entfernung größer.
i smile when i read my thoughts from about 2 yrs ago and think about that one sentence you once said… “Wir werden wieder voneinander hören, ich hab’ das im Gefühl”
da, ty mnje tosche nrawischsja… nichewo. bis zum mond. bis zu deinem horizont.
wanna know the truth ? i miss you. so. fucking. much. i was so scared
to walk out of this room and never feel this way again. that it would be over, that i should be lucky to have a time like this. i was standing in front of your window, watching the sun rise and from time to time i looked at you. lying in your bed, sleeping tight. you sweet liar. and i kissed you but you wouldn’t wake up. when you suddenly opened your eyes, you smiled as you saw me and reached for me to get next to you. the way you looked me in the eyes and held me like you did was the loudest i love you in my life. ever. i had to leave. and when we were standing outside, i was scared that maybe this would be the last time you hug me like that and kiss me and say “bye, see you” OH FUCK IT, YOU KNOW ! i fucking wanna stop to care ! i feel like i’m going insane and i can’t believe that it’s because of you ! i can’t belive i still feel you. can’t believe i still miss you. why did you do that to me ? why are you doing this to me ? when i watch these lovely moments flashing by, i just can’t believe that it wasn’t REAL
don’t you dare to tell me that you don’t have a heart ever again ! i felt it.
it was right there, in the cage of your chest. and it wanted me to care, ‘cause you don’t. y o u ’ r e . s c a r e d . o f . b e i n g . i n . l o v e . but the abscence of love makes the heart go insane, you know. deep down you miss me. and now look at what you’ve done: you’ve made a fool out of love. no, it’s not okay. you fucking destroyed me. my trust in us. everything. i don’t want to let you down, you’re not easy to forget. but noone deserves to be treated that way. so i need to forget you and remember that i deserve better.
just tell me that not every bit of it was a lie. i think i couldn’t stand it.
it’s so hard for me to put trust in someone else and to drop down my mask. u know why ? ‘cause it always ends up like this. always. and i’m askin’ u:. w h y ? what was i doin’ wrong, i just wanted to find love and instead i found distance. that’s worse than before. and it’s not fair, because you’re not honest at all. i don’t wanna play your game, i’m a human being and i definitely DO have feelings. i care about all that shit - a lot ! and that hurts. so tell me now where was my fault, in lovin’ you with all my heart ?